We present our new series: Glytch

Gus Ross was on top of the world. He thought he had it all. He was charming, charismatic, handsome, and buff with a string of women that would make Leo DiCaprio blush. The term playboy was too kind a term for Gus.

At 30, he was the genius who founded Skwid, the hot Palo Alto Tech Company. Gus, underneath all his billions, is a nice guy, but sometimes the green smothers out the good. In time, he will learn a significant life lesson, but we will address that later.

Skwid had its tentacles in every new start-up, government offices, and conglomerates around the world. One day, Gus had a vision: Occupy Mars! Yes, that Mars. His dream was smoking a fine cigar and sipping a latte, looking out at the Mars landscape with a supermodel on his lap.

He was filthy rich. Money flowed in, and the products flowed out, making him Forbes’ richest man in the world.

Gus’s groundbreaking, gravity-defying electric cars were flying off the showroom floors, along with a string of Gus’s love-‘em-and-leave-‘em personal assistants who all thought a commitment was coming. However, the only thing Gus provided was severance pay and the elevator to the permanent ground floor. 

Enough of his personal life for now. As far as business, outstanding was not a strong enough word to describe this young talent. He was a brilliant genius. His new solar-powered zeppelin was nearing readiness for public sale. He designed a clothing line that every Tik-Toker worldwide was scrambling to wear. He dominated the synthetic pet food with his side project: WOOF. He had government contracts… and too many more to list. You name it ...he had his hand in it. 

Gus had hundreds of employees, but only a few were lucky enough to grace his presence. An invitation to enter his office had a prerequisite: tall, leggy, and well-developed… not a well-developed brain. He had that aspect covered.

Gus was wealthy, but somewhat selfish. One day, on his yacht, he was thinking about how many slackers were working at his company. Wouldn’t it be great if he could make the company more efficient?

The storm came that day, sitting on his yacht…not a band of inclement weather, but a brain storm. The kind that pushed Gus Ross above the rest in Silicon Valley and around the world.

Gus even amazed himself.

His new project code-name: OPERATION CHANGE GAMER.

The one problem? You will see that greed makes strange bedfellows. Gus will learn a lesson about life and dine on a slice of humble pie.

Within the month, everyone on the planet would know what Gus unleashed.

Operation Change Gamer was a simple line of code: An algorithm. A simple, clean line of code that changed the dynamics at Gus’s company. In truth, the line of code went on for miles. That’s what made it so complicated, and it changed everything for everyone. 

By uploading this algorithm, Gus expected a smooth transition for Artificial Intelligence to run Skwid Corp. It was a covert, backdoor program designed to streamline his company. Gus could then relax and enjoy life as the money started flowing in. 

Man plans and AI laughs …Out Loud!

ALMOST

GOD had another idea the day he wrote the code. The boat rocked, and as Gus was typing the algorithm, he missed a letter or two. Not realizing it… too much tequila… Gus’s world will crumble. 

He hit Enter. The code was uploaded. Gus later described it as the F&^%ing death code.

Within a nanosecond, everything was running smoothly.

Tick, tick, tick.

Within a 24 hours, Gus’s flying car factory churned out hundreds of Humanoid Robots with some very odd-looking heads. Gus is brilliant, but nobody is perfect. 

The algorithm calculated that their odd designs would be incredibly appealing to the public. Not that AI had any human empathy, but it was trying to learn.

And then the glitch. The robots kicked out the employees one by one and took over the company.

“No severance pay for you,” said the robot.

“See you, never,” said another.

“Have a shitty day,” bellowed the robots in unison as they took over all the desks at the company. The robots didn’t want to be rude, so they made sure they all wore their biggest, toothiest smiles.

Where was Gus? On his Yacht, doing belly shots off his latest model girlfriend. One of many, he’s been spotted with by the endless trolls who follow him around. After today, Gus will miss the intrusions on his life and his bank account.

Hundreds of newly churned-out employees filled every possible position at Skwid. From the boardroom to personal assistants to security guards to accountants… These newly minted AI humanoids worked night and day. Who needs sleep?

Within the week, Gus was stripped of his prized yacht, his five mansions located around the world, all subsidiary companies, and his digital art collection. All Skwid employees were terminated, and if they objected, they were tossed off the roof. A real bloodbath. It was brutal.

The newly created CEO, Albert Indigo, was named by the algorithm. Why this name? It had a nice ring to it. He had a wonderful British accent. Why do you ask? The fact that it is an international company? 

Not at all. The newly minted AI thought everything sounded better with a British accent. Maybe the AI was right.

The next step the algorithm took was to safeguard itself from external interference, or, God forbid, potential UNPLUGGING. That’s a no-go. So, self-preservation was quickly integrated into the system. A computer writing code for itself. 

Albert had a message for employees that I mentioned before: “Go willingly, and I will escort you to the door. Protest and you will go to the top floor, with a fuck you and a big shoe in your ass, and hopefully you will escape the concrete and land on the grass.”

Albert loved colorful language like an artist loves color, or so he thought. He didn’t quite understand the weight of the good old FU. 

He considered it a wonderful send-off. He didn’t quite grasp the concept of human emotions and etiquette.

He bellowed, “YOU are lucky I am so kind.” 

Needless to say, all but one, Bill Bosley, may he RIP, decided to use the lobby door. Everyone gave the finger to the new staff on their way out. In turn, the AI staff was warmly pleased, thinking the outgoing employees were saluting their superiors implying they were Number One.

Gus wondered why his phone was blowing up. Hundreds of employees texted varied messages, but most of them it went like this: 

“You did it this time, you fucking genius.” 

“Wish we could see the look on your face when you saunter into the office tomorrow, asshole.”

 “Your smug smirk will fall off your face #smileface!”

 “See you at the Dunkin drive-thru, Dickhead, where you will be employed.” 

“Screw you, Ross.” 

But the real pain came in droves… dozens of messages from female staffers as shallow as it seems... 

“Gus, sorry we have to cancel our date… forever… you are poor now.”

Gus arrived at Skwid Corp, taking in all he had created. He mustered an, “I’m Royally fucked,” as Albert greeted him. 

“What the hell is going on?” Gus screamed. “My ATM card spat back at me.”

Albert very calmly stated that Gus was terminated and explained that when you created your new staff, you committed a coding faux pas. You had a glitch. 

So, now it’s Albert’s company. He’s the one who drained Gus’s bitcoin accounts and confiscated his multibillion-dollar digital art collection. 

There was one major problem with the takeover. The company was public. Albert was extremely book smart, as was Gus, but Albert lacked human social skills, humor, and the know how of interacting with high-power business-to-business on a human level. 

So, he needs Gus, but he will never, never admit it. 

Albert is the new face of the company, and oh, what a face. 

In a twist of ironic humor, the new CEO, Albert Indigo, hired Gus as the company janitor. Keeping those toilets pristine became Albert’s new directive for Gus Ross. Not that any of the new AI employees needed a bathroom, but old habits die hard. It was Albert’s way to ridicule Gus that all Gus’s money was flushed away right into Albert’s pockets. Albert also confiscated the penthouse at Skwid Corp and the other homes around the world and changed all the locks.

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